超好笑的英语笑话(世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全？)

超好笑的英语笑话

网上有关“超好笑的英语笑话”话题很是火热，小编也是针对世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全？寻找了一些与之相关的一些信息进行分析，如果能碰巧解决你现在面临的问题，希望能够帮助到您。

超好笑的英语笑话

　有笑话，大家一起笑，这就是分享快乐，也许，快乐就是这么简単。下面我为你带来超好笑的英语笑话，希望你会喜欢。

超好笑的英语笑话一：hings Have Been Okay

　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

　"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

　"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

　一切都正常

　一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开品说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：?妈妈，面包烤焦了。?

　?你说话了!你说话了!?他母亲叫了起来。?我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢

　?哦，在这之前，?那男孩说，?一切都很正常。?

超好笑的英语笑话二：Genie

　A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

　On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

　The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

　The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

　They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

　A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

　"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

　"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

　"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

　"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

　"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

　"Consider it done," the genie replied.

　"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

　"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

　The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

　The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

　After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

　"Thirty-five," she replied.

　"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

超好笑的英语笑话三：Meals on Wheels

　Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold backalleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.

　The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.

　A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.

　The earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

　They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.

　One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.

　The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.

超好笑的英语笑话四：Who Is This 你是哪一个?

　My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation1 and understanding of my unique problems.

　When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany(连祷，冗长故事) offrustrations2 with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, "O.K., honey...now, fist of all, who is this?"

　我和两个妹妹同时离开家去不同的大学读书。经历了太多的危机，也厌倦了受到与其他大学生相同的对待之后，有一天我给家里打了个电话，就我独有的问题寻求安慰和理解。

　爸爸接起电话后，我立刻开始历数我大学生活中的挫折。当我停下来歇口气时，爸爸说：?好啦，亲爱的...现在，首先告诉我，你是哪一个

;

世界上最好笑的英语笑话大全？

笑话是内容丰富并具有出乎意料结尾的幽默口头故事。下面我整理了短英语幽默笑话，希望大家喜欢!

短英语幽默笑话摘抄

Friend for Dinner

请朋友吃饭

Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

“亲爱的，”丈夫对妻子说：“我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。”

What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

“什么?你疯了吗?我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。”

I know all that.

“这些我全都知道。”

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

“那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭?”

Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

“因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。”

短英语幽默笑话鉴赏

The Fourth Element

第四元素

Teacher: What are the four element of nature?

老师：自然界的四大元素是什么?

Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...

学生：火、气、和。。。和。。。

Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?

老师：和什么?想一想， 你用什么洗手的?

Student: Soap!

学生：肥皂。

短英语幽默笑话赏析

Boxing and Running

拳击和赛跑

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, soI’m teaching my boy to fight."

丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”

Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."

朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?”

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”

短英语幽默笑话欣赏

Make your fortune

计划你的将来

"How did you make your fortune?"

“你是怎么计划你的将来的?”

"I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience."

“我变成一个富人的合伙人，他有钱，我有经验。”

"How did that help?"

“那有什么用?”

"Now he has the experience and I the money."

现在他有经验了，我有钱。”

短英语幽默笑话品味

The Looney Bin

疯人院

Late one night at the insane asylum ***疯人院***one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice fromanother room shouted, "I did not!"

一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑!”另一个说：“你怎么知道?”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的!”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说!”

短英语幽默笑话品析

会说话的钟 Talking clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。

"That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。

Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这 *** !现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

经典的短英语幽默笑话

长寿秘诀 Secret For a Long Life

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.

“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。

"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?”

"I *** oke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, everexercise."

“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”

"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman.

“哦，真神奇，”女士说。

"How old are you?"

“你高寿?”

"Twenty-six."

“二十六。”

关于短英语幽默笑话

控制女人的男人 Two Lines In Heaven

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God es and says "I want the men to make twolines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the menthat were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

世上的每一个人都上了天堂 神说 :" 要男人分成两队 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成一队 , 跟着圣彼德去 ."

Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 mileslong,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.

队伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里长 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,仅有一人 .

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my imageand you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up andmade me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one onthat line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

神生气的说 :" 你们男人应该感到羞耻 ,我按照自己的形象创造了你们 ,而你们被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的儿子 ,站着使我骄傲 . 你们应该向他学习 .告诉他们 , 儿子 ,你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ?"这男子回说 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在这的 !"

英语小笑话带翻译短

英语笑话幽默话语分析的理论不断推陈出新,但是对于把英语作为外语学习的中国读者而言,文化因素在解读幽默的过程中扮演着更加重要的角色。下面是我带来的世界上最好笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇一

一切都很好 Been Okay

Things Have Been Okay.

A young couple was being anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taken this long."

"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."

中文：

一对年轻的夫妇对于他们四岁的儿子仍然不会说话这件事非常着急。他们带他去看专家，但是医生们找不出任何不正常的地方。

之后有一天早上，这个男孩突然说道：“妈妈，面包拷糊了。”

“你说话了!你说话了!”他的妈妈嚷道。“我真高兴!但是为什么要我们等这么长的时间呢?”

“嗯，直到现在，”男孩说，“每件事都很正常啊。”

世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇二

Who Is the Laziest?

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?

Tom: I don't know, father.

Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?

Tom: Our teacher, father.

中文：

父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?

汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。

父亲：啊，不对，你知道!想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课?

汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。

世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇三

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服?

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的?

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇四

看见一只死鸟了吗 Bird

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning. Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "A, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly. The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

译文：　一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金发女郎正走在公园里。

突然，黑人女人发现了一只死去的小鸟。“哦!看这只死去的小鸟。”她悲伤地说。

金发女郎停下了脚步，她抬头望着天空，问道：“哪，在那?” Notebrunette: 浅黑肤色的女人

世界上最好笑的英语笑话篇五

欺骗的代价 The Revenge

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."

Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."

Johnson: "But I want you to."

Wife: "But why?"

Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"

译文：

老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”

妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”

约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。”

妻子：“为什么?”

约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”

经典英语笑话6篇

英语小笑话带翻译短

英语小笑话带翻译短一：

　Do You Know My Work?　One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire. ?Before I came out，? said one，?I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them. You don't know my work，? said the other. ?What is your work I'm a policeman. ?Oh!? cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，?And do you know my workNo，?said the policeman. ?I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.?

　你知道我是干什么的吗? 一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。 ?在我出来之前，?其中一个说：?我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。 你不知道我是干什么的。?另一个说。 ?你是干什么的 我是警察。 噢!?第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：?那你知道我是干什么的不知道。?警察说。 ?我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的.故事。?

　 英语小笑话带翻译短二：

　Wife talking to her husband，who reads newspaper all day: I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.

　Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

　妻子和丈夫谈话，他一天到晚总是看报纸，妻子抱怨说：我要是报纸就好了，那样我就可以天天在你手里了。

　丈夫说我也希望那样，那样我就可以每天换一个了。

　NOTE

　I wish I were ....是虚拟语气的说法，表示希望发生但不会发生的。

　 英语小笑话带翻译短三：

　The Crowded Store

　It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.

　A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.

　As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line,? That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

　一天，一个商店降价大甩卖。人们在开店之前就排在了商店门前，排成了很长的一队。一个身材矮小的人推挤着想到队伍的前面，但被推了回来，而且被咒骂着插队。那个人又一次努力往前挤， 但是又被挤到了最后面，而且下巴被重重的碰了几下，他对最后一个人说：?如果他们再次这样对我，我就不去开商店门了!!!?

;

　英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

　英语笑话一：

　我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

　"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

　wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

　and my daughter is foreign secretary."

　"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

　position?"

　"I?m the people. All I do is pay."

　布朗先生告诉同事说：?我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

　是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。?

　?听上去挺有意思的，?他的同事说，?那你的职务是什么呢?

　?我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。?

　英语笑话二：

　喂狗 For the Dog

　The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

　"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

　"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

　一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。

　?先生，什么事?服务生问。

　?我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，?父亲说，?能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。?

　?啊呀，爸爸!?儿子激动地叫喊着。?咱家养狗了吗?

　英语笑话三：

　脑移植 A Brain Transplant

　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it?s not better, just unused."

　一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

　?你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。?医生告诉病人，?一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

　病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，?政治家的大脑好一些吗?他问。

　医生说：?不是好一些，只是没有用过。?

　英语笑话四：

　不是我的错

　It's not my fault

　Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

　不是我的错

　妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

　女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

　英语笑话五：

　Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币

　There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).

　Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren?t made of silver anymore.

　Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

　One more word for you: don?t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

　硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。

　还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。

　英语笑话六：

　Now We Run 现在我们跑吧

　A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy?s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy?s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child?s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child?s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

　一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：?接下来怎么办，孩子?小男孩回答说：?接下来我们跑。?



谁有即简短又好笑的英语笑话最好单词在30个以内，好懂。拜托各位大神

英语短笑话:荒唐的信 Two psychiatrists were at a convention “What was your most difficult case” one asked the other “Once I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world,” replied his colleague “He believed that a wildly rich uncle in South America was going to leave him a fortune All day long he waited for a make believe letter to arrive from a fictitious attorney He never went out or did anything He just sat around and waited” “What was the result” “It was an eight year struggle, but I finally cured him And then that stupid letter arrived” 两个精神病专家在一次会议上碰见了。其中一个问另一个：“你最棘手的病例是什么样的” “我曾有过一个病人，他生活在一个纯幻想的世界里，”他的同行回答。“他坚信南美有个大富翁叔叔要留给他一笔遗产。他整天等待着从一个虚构的律师那儿收到证实信。他从不出门，无所事事，只是坐着干等。” “结果如何” “经过长达8年的努力，我终于把他给治好了。可就在那时，那封荒唐的信到了……” 1、An Absent-minded Professor When they pulled the absent-minded professor， half drowned, from the lake, he sputtered, “How absent-minded I am! I have just remembered that I can swim” 健忘的教授 当人们把健忘的、淹得半死的教授从湖里拉上来时，他气急败坏地说道：“我真健忘，我刚刚才想起我会游泳！” 2、Father's Motto teacher: My Children, remember this motto “Give others more and leave for yourself less” Jack: It' just my father's motto! Teacher: How noble your father's quality is! What's his occupation Jack: He is a boxer 父亲的格言 老师：孩子们，记住这句格言：“多给予，少接受。” 杰克：那正是我父亲的格言！ 老师：你父亲真是个品质高尚的人啊！他是干什么工作的？ 杰克：它是个拳击手。 3、He Was Caught “Polorius was kicked out of school for cheating” “how come” “He was caught, counting his ribs in a hygiene exam” 他被抓住了 “波罗涅斯由于作弊被开除了” “什么原因啊” “在生理卫生考试中,他数自己的肋骨,结果被发现了”

关于好笑易懂的英语笑话？

　　冷笑话作为一种新兴的语言现象，越来越受到大家的关注，尤其在网路、杂志、微博、**上十分盛行。冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。我精心收集了，供大家欣赏学习!

：Farmer's Bull

Farmer: I've got a bull that's right off it duties It's got to service 300 cows and all it wants to do is eat

Vet: Give it one of these little pills in its feed and stand back

So 2 weeks later the farmer es back to the vet:

　　Farmer: WOW, what a pill! I gave the pill to the bull like you said and POW! It jumped over the gate, ran down the lane and ed 70 cows in 30 minutes

Vet: So, what's the problem - why have you e back

Farmer: Well, I was wondering, I am meeting this 18-year-old tonight - could you give me one of those tablets I'm not as young as I was

Vet: Oh, no! Sorry, it's too strong but I will give you a quarter of a pill

So the farmer takes the pill and goes off to prepare for his date Several days later, the farmer goes back to the Vet

Farmer: Hello, Vet Wonderful 40 Times

Vet: So, why have you e back Farmer: Ah! I need something for my wrist - she never showed up!

：Farmer's Daughter

There was a men who is lost in a forest during a storm He came to a house and knocked on the door A farmer came out and asked, "what the hell do you want"

The man asked, "Could I spend a night here"

"Sure, but you can't touch my daughter"

So the man was sleeping that night, when the daughter came in And that night, they did it The next night, they did it, too The next night, they did it, again

Until one night, the daughter said to the man, "I am tired of doing it in your room"

So the man went to the daughter's room and did it The next night, they did it The next night, they did it, too The next night, they did it again

They have done it in every single room in the house EXECPT the father's room

So one night they decided to go to the father's room and do it When they went in, the father has fallen deep into sleep

The man asked, "what the hell is that hairy thing in his bed"

The daughter said, "it's his hairy ass"

So the man and the daughter were doing it in his room for 2 weeks and they loved it

But unfortunatly, one day, the father came to the man and go, "we need to talk"

"What, I didn't have sex with your daughter!"

"I will tell you the truth, I don't care if you have sex with my daughter anymore, just don't use my hairy ass as a score board!"

：Rooster

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything So he buys a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barnyard

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried 'So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster I've got to do something about this' He walks up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet I'll bet I'm still the better bird And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there We'll run around it ten times and whoever finish's first gets to have all the hens for himself"

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy "You're on," said the young rooster "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap I'll still win easy," said the young rooster

So the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gatheringaround to watch The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster

By now the farmer has heard all the motion He runs into the house, gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something is after his chickens When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away

As he walks away slowly, he says to himself "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month"

：Pigs

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs The vet told him he should try artificial insemination The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone Unclear on what the vet meant by artificial insemination, the farmer decidedit must mean he had to impregnate the pigs himself, so he loaded all the pigs in his pickup and drove down to the woods and shagged them all

The next day he called the vet again, and asked how would he know if the pigs were pregnant The vet told him they would be lying down rolling in the mud, but when he looked out the window not even one was lying down So, he loaded them up in his pickup again and drove them to the woods and shagged them all again To his di ay they were all standing the next morning So, again he loads the pigs in his truck drives them to the woods and shags them for the third time

By the next morning the farmer is beat, so he asks his wife to hop out of bed and look out the window to see what the pigs are doing She says "hmmm - that's weird, they are all in the truck and one of them is blowing the horn"

关于“超好笑的英语笑话”这个话题的介绍，今天小编就给大家分享完了，如果对你有所帮助请保持对本站的关注！